Ex-husband refuses to let ex-wife dog-sit at his house while he’s on a couples trip with his new girlfriend, friends cancel over pet-sitting drama: 'If the roles were reversed, I'd do whatever it took'

Author image for Celeste Mello
Celeste Mello • Writer and Editor
Jul 3, 2026 10:30 AM EDT

Being cordial with an ex doesn't mean being comfortable with giving them access to your home while you are away. Some boundaries need to be respected, especially after dealing with a difficult divorce.

The situation started as a dog-sitting problem. The ex-wife offered to babysit his dog and their friend's dog at his place so that the group could go on vacation together. It seems they had already tried this arrangement before, but every time this happened, it caused problems afterward. So this time he decided to say no. But his friends were not that happy with his decision. In fact, they were not happy at all. So much so that they decided to cancel the trip. 

The whole situation felt like it was more than just about the dogs. There's also an important detail in this story: the friend's wife is still friends with the divorced friend's ex-wife. So being in the middle of friends might feel a bit conflicted. And it certainly affected their choices, because the friends wanted only her to pet-sit their dogs. Not any other trusted pet-sitter. So that's where the whole "dog argument" falls apart. It's reasonable that your friend doesn't want his ex in his house; then why wouldn't you accept another pet sitter? The thing is, it's not only about the dogs. 

Going through a divorce is going through a process of separating lives, routines, and emotional bonds. If you're a good friend, you'll understand that your friend is just trying to move on with his life and trying to be healthy. You won't try to keep him involved with his ex-wife when he clearly doesn't want that. 

So the divorced dog owner didn't ruin the trip by setting a boundary. He even came up with a different solution. But his friends didn't like it, and his friends were the ones who decided to cancel the trip because they didn't like the boundary he set.

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  • 01
    A couple vacationing with friends, representing the cancelled weekend trip that caused tension over an ex-wife's role.
    via Unsplash+ (Felix Rostig)

    A couple vacationing with friends, representing the cancelled weekend trip that caused tension over an ex-wife's role.

    People shown are models.

  • 02

    AITAH for refusing to let my ex-wife stay at my house while I’m on vacation with my new girlfriend?

    I (44M) got divorced recently after a pretty rough marriage. I've been trying to move forward, establish some healthy boundaries, and build a new life. I've also started seeing someone and we're taking a long weekend trip together.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 03
    A close couple friend of mine was supposed to come with us. The wife is still very good friends with my ex-wife.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 04
    The issue started because we both have dogs. Their preferred solution was for my ex-wife to stay at my house while I was away and watch my dogs. She would also watch their dog.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 05
    The thing is, I've done this before. My ex-wife has stayed at my house while I was out of town. Every time it seemed to create some kind of issue afterwards. Comments about
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 06
    things in my house, comments about how I'm living, questions about stuff that frankly isn't her business anymore. Nothing huge, but enough where I realized I don't really want to keep doing it.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 07
    So this time I said no. I didn't just leave them hanging either. We have a babysitter/pet sitter that we've used for years. She's responsible, knows the dogs, and was willing to help both of us. I thought it was a pretty reasonable solution.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 08
    My friend's wife wasn't comfortable with that. She only wanted my ex-wife. At that point they decided not to go on the trip. Now they're upset with me.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 09
    An ex-wife returning her ex-husband his house keys, illustrating a boundary conflict.
    via Unsplash+ (Curated Lifestyle)

    An ex-wife returning her ex-husband his house keys, illustrating a boundary conflict. 

    Subjects are models.

  • 10
    My buddy basically told me that if the roles were reversed he'd do whatever it took to make the trip work. He said I was being selfish and that the whole thing was bulls
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 11
    Part of their argument is that a few weeks ago we were all together on Father's Day and my ex-wife and I were joking around and being friendly. Fair enough. I had a few drinks and was probably more playful than I should have
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 12
    been. But being friendly for a few hours at a family event is very different than wanting my ex-wife staying in my house while I'm away with my new girlfriend.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 13
    Also, just because I allowed something before doesn't mean I have to be comfortable with it forever. Sometimes you do something a few times and then realize, "yeah, this actually isn't healthy for me."
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 14
    For additional context, my friends know exactly what happened in my marriage and how difficult the divorce was. That's part of why I'm so surprised by the reaction.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 15
    A dog sitting at home, illustrating a pet-sitting dispute involving an ex-wife, a friends trip, and relationship boundaries.
    via Unsplash+ (Jamie Street)

    A dog sitting at home, illustrating a pet-sitting dispute involving an ex-wife, a friends trip, and relationship boundaries.

  • 16
    What bothers me most is that I actually tried to solve the problem. It wasn't "my way or the highway." I found another option. They just didn't like the option.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 17
    I also can't help but wonder if some of this has less to do with the dog and more to do with the fact that my friend's wife is still close friends with my ex-wife and maybe feels
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 18
    conflicted about going on a couples trip with me and my new girlfriend. I don't know if that's true, but it has crossed my mind.
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 19
    So AITA for holding the boundary and refusing to let my ex-wife stay at my house, even though it resulted in my friends canceling the trip and now being angry with me?
    via RemoteDiligent7640
  • 20
    FamousSkottisk NTA. You offered a reasonable alternative. Your ex doesn't need access to your house just because it's more convenient for someone else.
    via FamousSKottisk
  • 21
    OppositeSquirrel3324 Your friends sk. This absolutely has something to do with your friend's wife being friends with your ex. NTA
    via OppositeSquirrel3324
  • 22
    BriefHorror They picked your ex wife they are no longer your friends.NTA
    via BriefHorror
  • 23
    helius0 Why didn't they offer to let your ex-wife stay at their place with the dogs?
    via helius0
  • 24
    Decline To Throw Away So why cant your wife pet-sit at their house with their dogs and you get your own sitter?
    via DeclineToThrowAway

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friendship new girlfriend friends trip relationships ex wife divorce boundaries trip pet sitting relationship drama
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